Last week, my wife Arlene and I finished watching the Netflix series “Nobody Wants This.” It’s a rom.com about a young rabbi – Noah – who falls in love with a young gentile lady (aka a shiksa) – Joanne. On its face it was funny, charming, cleverly written, and thoroughly satisfying.
Beneath the surface, it was profound. The big conflict – which many of us face at various times in our lives – addressed the painful dilemma of pursuing your passion vs. doing what others (your tribe) expect you to do.
Noah dreamt of being a rabbi since he was a young boy. His family, his temple congregation, his unofficial fiancé, all support his dream. At the present time he is the assistant rabbi in his temple. The head rabbi is about to retire, and Noah has been groomed to be his successor. His childhood dream is about to come true.
But Noah doesn’t really love his fiancé and is in the process of ending their relationship, but his family and friends and most of all his fiancé don’t yet know this.
Enter Joanne, a free spirited, adventurous podcaster (with her sister as her partner). She is outgoing, unconventional, beautiful – and gentile. Oy. Joanne and Noah meet at a dinner party. The chemistry is instant. They both try to ignore it, but that is not possible. They go out – as friends. The chemistry builds. The spark becomes a fire burning in both of them. They begin dating. Noah finds the courage to break up with his fiancé. Everyone is devastated, especially Noah’s parents.
Noah introduces Joanne to his parents. It’s awkward and politely hostile, until Joanne finds a way to connect with Noah’s mother. She cannot resist liking Joanne. But it’s not enough Noah’s mother tells Joanne. Then Noah’s promotion to head rabbi is announced.
The conflict is uncompromising. Noah cannot become the head rabbi if he marries outside the Jewish faith. Joanne agrees to convert to Judaism, before she faces her own identity crisis.
When she does, she cannot bring herself to convert. She tearfully tells Noah that she loves him and must break up. She will not deny him his lifelong dream. Noah is torn by having to choose between his love for Joanne and living his lifelong dream of becoming the head rabbi of his congregation.
I won’t tell you how it ends because the ending is not the point.
The point is how you deal with the forks in the road that make you choose between what you want for yourself and what others expect of you.
Take a moment and reflect about that. How would your life be different today if you had pursued your passions, instead of doing what you thought was expected of you, or what you believed would bring you greater material rewards, or social acceptance.