Are you recently retired or contemplating retirement?

Are you retired and restless?

Are you trying to avoid retirement?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, there is a good chance that you are experiencing some angst. Welcome to being normal. Our brains are wired to experience concern when facing uncertainty.

Feeling a sense of angst for an extended period of time, however, can be harmful to your brain and your body. The antidote for angst is knowledge – the kind of knowledge that can give you clarity about how to approach the next chapter of your life.

How can you gain clarity? Try these three tips.

1. See your journey into uncertainty as an adventure. It presents you with an opportunity to envision a future that is not an extension of your past. It can be a time for re-invention, exploration, curiosity.
2. Spend some time reflecting on your passions that you have put aside for one reason or another because life got in the way. Create a journal to capture your thoughts in writing. Nothing elaborate is required. Simple bullet points are fine. For example, your list might say:
   • I’ve always loved it. Never took time to pursue it.
   • I love dogs, have since I was a kid. I’ve thought about breeding and showing dogs – never had the time.
   • I’ve always been an avid reader. Ten years ago I stopped. Don’t know why. Seemed like I didn’t have time. Too much other stuff going on in my life.
   • Envision making them part of your future, either as full-time endeavors, or part-time activities. Relax and allow your imagination to run wild. Don’t edit your thoughts, judge your thoughts, or worry about what others might think. This exercise is for you alone. Go to your journal. Write down your ideas and thoughts. You need not share them with anyone – until you’re ready. Here is one example:
   • I’ve always liked to photograph animals – in the wild and people’s pets. I could invest in some high-quality cameras, lenses, etc., start photographing, create a blog site and start showing my work to people. Maybe advertise as a pet photographer and earn a few bucks to start. I could see where that goes, then maybe do some reading and research, find the breed of dog that I would want to breed and show and see where that takes me. Yeah. I have the time now.

Start today. Create a journal and write down your thoughts and ideas. Doing that will accomplish these things:

• It will help you remember them as you move forward.
• It will replace your angst with focused clarity.
• It will help you develop your plan for a rewarding next chapter.

Which passion will you pursue first?

Last night I dreamt a new software program was developed that could accurately determine whether any form of communication by any candidate for any elected office was false, hyperbolic, or based on an unproven conspiracy theory. It would work for all levels of government in every state

The program was adopted and put into effect by every government agency throughout the country. Election rules and regulations were universally adopted that required all campaign communications to adhere to these rules: All campaign communications of any kind must address issues, not personalities. They must be based on facts, scientific evidence, and credible socioeconomic analysis. Any campaign claim or promise made by a candidate would require credible details as to how the candidate would pursue that promise. Specific projections would be required outlining how any given promise would work to enhance the quality of life for the candidates’ constituents, society as a whole, and the world – both in the short run and long-term.

There would be 3 required debates for all national offices. The topics debated would focus on issues and would be debated based on the perspective of policy approaches and would set forth the candidate’s approach to how they would discuss and compromise with members of the opposition party so as to achieve a workable majority that could pass needed legislation.

During any given campaign, whenever the software detected a violation, the violating candidate’s communication would be halted for 30 days. A second violation would result in the candidate’s disqualification. If the candidate ran for any office in the future and violated the rules, they would be barred for life from running for any office anywhere in the country

In addition, all candidates’ personal information of legitimate interest to voters, such as college transcripts, medical records, and financial net worth and income would be required to be made public. Failure to comply would trigger an automatic disqualification.

It was only my dream. But what if we lived in a world like that? How close to that can we get? How different and better would our lives be? What do you think?

Last week, my wife Arlene and I finished watching the Netflix series “Nobody Wants This.” It’s a rom.com about a young rabbi – Noah – who falls in love with a young gentile lady (aka a shiksa) – Joanne. On its face it was funny, charming, cleverly written, and thoroughly satisfying.

Beneath the surface, it was profound. The big conflict – which many of us face at various times in our lives – addressed the painful dilemma of pursuing your passion vs. doing what others (your tribe) expect you to do.

Noah dreamt of being a rabbi since he was a young boy. His family, his temple congregation, his unofficial fiancé, all support his dream. At the present time he is the assistant rabbi in his temple. The head rabbi is about to retire, and Noah has been groomed to be his successor. His childhood dream is about to come true.

But Noah doesn’t really love his fiancé and is in the process of ending their relationship, but his family and friends and most of all his fiancé don’t yet know this.

Enter Joanne, a free spirited, adventurous podcaster (with her sister as her partner). She is outgoing, unconventional, beautiful – and gentile. Oy. Joanne and Noah meet at a dinner party. The chemistry is instant. They both try to ignore it, but that is not possible. They go out – as friends. The chemistry builds. The spark becomes a fire burning in both of them. They begin dating. Noah finds the courage to break up with his fiancé. Everyone is devastated, especially Noah’s parents.

Noah introduces Joanne to his parents. It’s awkward and politely hostile, until Joanne finds a way to connect with Noah’s mother. She cannot resist liking Joanne. But it’s not enough Noah’s mother tells Joanne. Then Noah’s promotion to head rabbi is announced.

The conflict is uncompromising. Noah cannot become the head rabbi if he marries outside the Jewish faith. Joanne agrees to convert to Judaism, before she faces her own identity crisis.

When she does, she cannot bring herself to convert. She tearfully tells Noah that she loves him and must break up. She will not deny him his lifelong dream. Noah is torn by having to choose between his love for Joanne and living his lifelong dream of becoming the head rabbi of his congregation.

I won’t tell you how it ends because the ending is not the point.

The point is how you deal with the forks in the road that make you choose between what you want for yourself and what others expect of you.

Take a moment and reflect about that. How would your life be different today if you had pursued your passions, instead of doing what you thought was expected of you, or what you believed would bring you greater material rewards, or social acceptance.

Your greater purpose in life is to discover your gift and deliver it to the world. Pursuing your purpose is the reason you were born.

When modern humans first appeared, everyone’s purpose was to survive and procreate. That purpose was hard-wired in our brains. Simple. Stay alive and make babies.

Today, life is more complex, and we can pursue many options beyond survival. But our original brain wiring has remained unchanged. So, many of us define our greater purpose as comfortable survival.

That belief is mistaken. In truth, a fundamental principle for living a full life is to make the world a little better for you having been here. To have a purpose beyond comfortable survival.

To better grasp this principle, consider these three questions.

• Do you believe that you don’t have anything special or unique to give the world?
• Do you believe that almost everyone knows what you know, or has your abilities and skills?
• Do you believe your purpose in life is to survive as comfortably as possible?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you are living with mistaken beliefs.

All of us have a unique gift that is exclusively ours to give to those we touch and to the world at large.

But if you don’t know that greater purpose exists, how would you know what experiencing your greater purpose feels like?

Greater purpose can feel like the difference between walking with a limp vs. having strong, pain-free legs that allow you to dance, run, jump, and enjoy life at a far more gratifying level.

Your greater purpose need not be grand in scope. It can be found in the little things you do that define your uniqueness because only you can deliver it like you do.

If you have not yet discovered your greater purpose, or if you believe you don’t have one, here is one important tip to help you find your greater purpose. It is an excerpt from a chapter on Greater Purpose in my soon to be released book: What’s Next – How to Make Your Next Chapter Your Best Chapter.

If you do not yet know what you believe to be your special gift, REFLECT.

• Think back to situations and experiences in which you contributed something special that touched people in unique ways.
• Look for patterns over the years in which you delivered that same kind of uniqueness to other situations – and how they affected people and outcomes.
• Reflect on how you felt after those experiences. Joy? A sense of fulfillment? If not those emotions, then what else did you feel?
• What are you passionate about? How do you or how can you express those passions in ways that relate to other people?

Keep a journal. Write about your experiences. Your greater purpose lies somewhere in that collection of your experiences. It’s waiting for you to discover it. Start digging.

The following is a brief excerpt from my upcoming book, “What’s Next- How to Make Your Next Chapter Your Best Chapter.

Our values are our unconditional beliefs about how we commit to live, demonstrated, and made credible, by our consistent conduct over time.

Two words in this definition deepen and differentiate their true strength. These are unconditional and commit.

Unconditional, in the context of your values, means that you cannot behave situationally or conditionally. You must live your values, no matter the situation or other peoples’ conduct or expectations.

For example, you cannot claim respect as your value but respect only those who respect you in return. You cannot respect only people you like or people with whom you agree on important topics or people whose lifestyle you deem acceptable.

This can be challenging. Why, you may wonder, would you respect someone who does not respect you? Or someone whose worldview is diametrically opposite to yours? Or a drug addict who defecates on your front lawn?

The easy answer is this: You don’t have to. But if you don’t, or can’t, or won’t, you must acknowledge that respect is not one of your values. Instead, understand that respect is your conditional choice based on circumstances and on your judgement as to whether or not another person deserves your respect.

If, though, respect is one of your core values, you must rise above another’s conduct or the situation that you deem to be disrespectful of you. You must look at others from a higher level. You may condemn the act, but you may not condemn the actor.

When you encounter people whose values radically conflict with yours, you’ll experience a hard truth: Living your values can be challenging. When the conflict involves family members, friends, or close co-workers, the challenge will feel even tougher.

That is why you must reflect long and hard before choosing and declaring your values.

If you wish your values to truly serve you, you must remain consciously aware of them every day. When you are not conscious of them, you open the door to your hard-wired instincts – your shadow values – avoidance of discomfort and instant gratification. You’ll discover once again that those instincts can quickly override your values and cause you to behave in unintended ways.

As you proclaim your values, think of yourself as the product you want others to trust. If you don’t live your values, why would anyone trust you?

Do this—in writing with pen and paper

• Write down the names and the meanings of your values.
• List the specific behavioral characteristics that you see as vital to demonstrating the ways you live your listed values.

This list is your starting point. More to follow.

When facing an obstacle that prevents you from achieving your goal, and you say you can’t overcome it, you give yourself permission to stop trying.

When you stop trying, you become a victim.

When you become a victim, you stop taking responsibility for your future.

When you stop taking responsibility for your future you surrender your capability to plan. You just accept what life throws at you, and you try to cope.

When you grow too exhausted to cope you lose your desire to live.

And all because you told yourself “I can’t.”

When achieving your goal presents daunting challenges, and somewhere in the process of conquering those challenges you grow frustrated, and you are ready to throw in the towel and proclaim, “I can’t,” do this instead.

Take a rest or take a walk and just be. Ask yourself, “what would it take for me to find a solution to my challenge and act on it?” And in that state of just being let your mind conjure up whatever thoughts emerge. Don’t edit or judge your thoughts. Allow them to breathe and percolate. Explore them. Some of your ideas will take you beyond the boundaries of your self-limiting beliefs about what you can and cannot do. Indulge those ideas. Imagine executing them.

Watch as new ideas and approaches emerge. Capture the few that have the possibility to work. Prepare to be impressed by your creativity.

Then begin to face your challenge anew with ideas you never imagined. You just might discover you are more than you think you are.

The wonders of applied neuroscience underpin everything I said. I won’t go into the details now, but your takeaway is simply that this approach reliably works in ways that our conscious minds don’t easily grasp. You’ll experience it only if you try.